Madame Black Thumb’s bonsai

 

bonsai-done

Younger Son and his lovely wife recently brought me a gift:  a bonsai tree. These plants are things of beauty to me, their intricate modelling a siren song to the artist in me to come out and play.  The problem is, that siren call is horticultural, and in my heart of hearts I’m known as Madame Black Thumb.

japanese-maple-bonsai-41-adjYounger Son possesses a thumb so green it’s virtually fluorescent.  No matter what kind of plant he brings into his life, one touch of that magic thumb of his and drooping leaves spring to life; seeds sprout and leap into energetic growth; his small outdoor garden produces bunches, heaps, mountains of vegetables; and his flowers bud and bloom like mad things.

I think of him as Plant Man.

As one example of his prowess in the plant world: among all the other gorgeous plants growing contentedly in his vicinity, YS has an orchid, a plant I’ve always heard can be finicky to raise.   Apparently they produce, at best, only a few flowers at a time.  I’m here to tell you that, although they might be tricky for most indoor gardeners to raise, Plant Man has no such problem.

His orchid not only flourishes under his care, it also produces bunches of flowers on each of its two stems.  Yes, I said bunches.  Year round.  It’s almost beyond belief.  The buds actually appear to be crowding each other out of the way so they can get out there and show off.

bonsai-3-adj
Where that incredible green thumb of his comes from, I have no idea.  Sad to say, it doesn’t come from me.  I have a dismal history of indoor plant management.

With all the good intentions in the world, my touch has proven again and again to be the kiss of death to nearly every poor house plant unlucky enough to live within the walls of my humble abode.  I over-water where I should be sprinkling.  I under-water until the poor things are gasping, groping along the tabletop in search of a drop to drink.

bonsai-1-adjI study the instructions that come with the plants, but the reality never seems to match what the rules promise.

I mean, obviously if a plant is so limp it’s hanging down over the pot, then it needs water.  But some plants given too much water do the same thing.  Sure, dried leaves shrivel up and turn yellow; but hello, so do drowned leaves!

How’s a person to tell the difference, anyway?  It’s always a conundrum to me, how much or how little water each plant needs to drink at a sitting.

In point of fact, the only plant that has ever survived in my house for any length of time is the humble philodendron, which I’ve discovered is nearly indestructible.

bonsai-tree14-adj-finalGive them too little water, and they’ll hunker down to wait for rain – indefinitely, it seems.  Too much water, on the other hand, and they simply grow more roots in the mud.  They also seem not to miss sunlight at all, as long as there’s artificial lighting somewhere in the room.

They’re the perfect plant for someone like me.

For years, in fact, I had one huge philodendron that grew and apparently flourished in spite of the fact that I kept forgetting to add plant food to its water – or even to water the poor thing most of the time.  It got doused with several gallons of water when I remembered, and parched in between times. It was remarkably resilient, and I have no idea what kept it going.  Perhaps it was a Breatharian at heart.

Eventually, though, it too succumbed, and when it went on to its reward, I decided that Madame Black Thumb would no longer wreak havoc on innocent live plants.  I solved my plant problem by buying a half-dozen lovely green plants from IKEA. They’re so well crafted that no one would guess they’re plastic. In fact, I often receive compliments on them.

bonsai-2-adj

Now I’m back to being the owner of a live plant, and somehow I have to keep this little tree alive.

The question is, can Madame Black Thumb transform herself into Madame Green Thumb?

Only our bedroom windows have a southern exposure, which to my mind defeats the whole purpose of having plants.  I want to be able to admire this little bonsai, which means keeping it somewhere I can look at it, such as in my kitchen, which has a western exposure.  Would that work?  Summer sunlight is bright enough, but it only appears in that window after lunchtime. Can my bonsai survive with only half a day of sunshine every day?  Will I have to buy plant lights?  If I keep it outdoors, what will I do with it in the winter?

 

bonsai-juniperus-chinensis6-adj

 

In spite of my bad reputation and many technical problems, though, I’m determined to do my best by this newcomer.  Aburst with good intentions, I glance over at it sitting primly on the counter next to my kitchen sink and swear to myself, If Plant Man can do it, so can I.

Reality immediately raises its ugly head, looks me straight in the eye, and bursts out laughing.

Wish me luck.

Horticulturally yours,
Susannah

 

[P.S.  Bonsai Update, End of Week 2:  Bonsai 2, Black Thumb 0.  So far, so good.]

Advertisements

12 Comments

      1. Me either. Only in the bedrooms on the south side, and there’s no way I want my plants tucked away in the bedrooms. But then, that’s also partly an excuse; I’ll admit I do tend to exaggeration when I’m hit with a bug in the funnybone, but I really don’t have luck with plants. I’d rather just enjoy other people’s green thumbs. However, now that I have this little beauty, I definitely will do my best for it.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. “a dismal history of indoor plant management” I don’t know if I was supposed to, but I laughed at that.

    In my experience, less is more when it comes to plants. I had a bonsai years ago — I loved her. When I moved to California from Colorado she became the centerpiece of a “miniature” bamboo garden I made outside. When I moved from that house, I left her behind. Good luck with your little friend! 🙂

    Like

    1. Well, I’m glad you did. True as this story may be, the whole piece was written with tongue firmly in cheek. Madame Black Thumb is a fairly accurate description of me, unfortunately.

      Oh my, a miniature bamboo garden. These are the moments when I regret my “disability” with respect to plant life. Do you have photos? (said she, hopefully….)

      Liked by 1 person

      1. No photos. It was back in 1984/85 and while I think we took photos in those days, I have no idea what happened to them. I was still in love with China and attempting to recreate it everywhere I went.

        Like

      2. I’ve had a love affair with “old” Japanese architecture, landscape and pottery since forever. A Japanese Zen garden is my idea of Paradise. If there’s still somewhere in Japan where the past is preserved, I’d give my eye teeth to see it! ❤

        No worries about the pics; I have a lovely image in my head.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Sun beaming down on
    Bonsai through kitchen window.
    My black thumb gives thanks.

    Lovely green bonsai
    Catches rays through the window
    Pleasing to the eye

    Like

Comments are closed.